I was pulled over the other day and as a black American it can be a dangerous situation with cops. But throughout the whole situation I only answered questions that I knew were neutral and remembered my right not to speak and to ask why for every step. All that to say I was regulated the whole time. And even afterwards, I thought to myself - wow if that happened a year ago my emotions would be everywhere and I wouldn't be regulated for 2 days after. So I'm so happy to see my

I got married. And then I got divorced. And when I got divorced, I was sure that was it for me. As a man, when I get invested like that and it ends unexpectedly, it takes a lot out of me. I used to feel like that with break ups back in the day. But this was a marriage- of 8 years. So it definitely took a lot out of me. And by the way, I was comfortable with not being in another relationship ever again. I was going to focus on my career, my kids, and my family. Maybe even get

Let me set the stage. It was pre covid era and I was excited for my graduation. Finally the time had come for me to wear that cap and gown and walk the podium for my people to be proud of me. I was so excited. So I went to the finance office to get cleared then they hit me with the news- my father had not paid the last semester fees like he had agreed with the finance department to do. We're talking 90k. And graduation was that weekend. Let me tell you I felt my heart drop to

Was friends with my ex best friend for 8.5 years. I supported her through multiple suicide attempts and her sister's suicide and funeral. She struggled with bpd but I also struggled with depression and anxiety and cptsd. Over the past 5 years I have grown to be more secure from having the most complicated attachment style which is the disorganized attachment style. Recently something happened and I talked to my therapist about how she put my life in danger and never wanted to

We haven’t broken up but we’ve had so many breaks that at this point I have made peace with us never having the relationship we used to have. The first time we had a break was due to a misunderstanding which I wasn’t privy to. Stayed quiet for about two years. We worked hard to revive that relationship and had a good run. Then life happened again. Grief. Silence. Public disagreement. I was shocked and drew a line. But we’ve been friends for almost two decades. No one knows me

I'm a curious person and I had a friend who is now an acquaintance. We used to be so close. Her name was W (I think I'll just use her initials here). In Uni, nothing could separate us. Our dynamic was - she led and I followed. Looking back, I genuinely can say I was her lap dog. In Uni I wasn't exposed to life and I easily trusted anyone, especially her. We were so happy, I used to look at her and think - damn she had her life figured out while I'm just cruising. I loved her

That one person you have known all your life, survived the hood dramas, stayed besties, through high school and college crushes, stayed besties through career moves and hustle, stayed besties through marriage, raising kids. Until, bestie has issues with her marriage and everything starts to spiral. And that's just the beginning. I offered a shoulder to cry on, I offered the voice of reason between the troubled couple but one among them was done with the marriage. Healing kwa

I have recently discovered that I can't be friends with people I do not respect. As I turn 30 I have been auditing a lot of areas of my life and the current one I'm looking at right now is my friends. I really value my friendships actually more than any romantic connections and that's why the same standard if not higher should be applied to my friends as well. If i don't respect you as a person I need to drop you from my circle and keep you as an acquaintance.

I recently went through a breakup with a long term bf(4-6 years). Sounds crazy saying it out loud coz it feels like its been shorter and longer than that. And to say my world shifted is an understatement .. He was my first for a lot of things and things have been feeling so tumultuous ever since. I also lost my job right before we broke up and he had been my financial support for the longest time. So right now I'm navigating grief, a deep loss of stability and security and a

Hi. My name is Mumbi and welcome to my website. I started this blog to create a shared space to remind us that we're all in this together...(cue the high school musical song). But today, you're here to read my story. And specifically the story of why I ended up in this profession. I could start by telling you how I ended up studying psychology but that's a long story. Let me tell you my why. I vividly remember the day I made the decision. I was sat in a psych class and starte

Do you guys know what you're doing? In life that is? I assumed in your 20s you're supposed to at least have a clue, but I feel like I don't and I'm starting to panic. I'm working yes, I'm building relationships yes, but I don't know if I'm exactly on the path I'm supposed to be on. Do you guys even believe in that? Or am I overthinking? I wonder if there are people who feel like this, or if I'm alone? I feel like I'm going with the flow, but time is passing and I don't know i

I think being in a toxic relationship is such a canon event. Like you will never forget it and it really changes you. For me, it changed me for the better and for the worse. I was in that relationship for almost 6 years on and off.... whew, even thinking about it now, I don't think I realized I was in it for 6 years, my goodness. And when I say on and off, I really mean it. We would be on for like 8 months, then off for like a month or two. We met in school, when we were both

I think when you grow up knowing your parents didn't have the perfect marriage, or relationship, you kind of start carrying that embarrassment. Especially when you feel like people know what happened. I noticed I was carrying their shame when I would feel awkward around them. I couldn't stand being around them for longer than an hour. I felt like I was embarrassed being in their presence. And that's because I knew they were struggling through infidelity. And I know because on

I recently discovered that I have a few friends in my life that are low capacity people, specifically in the way they chose to see me. I'm easier to be digested as the mature one, the strong one and I get oversimplified a lot. And even when I point it out, it's dismissed and they choose to go with the version of me that is digestible. The issue with that is I feel erased and I don't want to exist in that dynamic anymore. So I'm choosing to see this as a capacity problem on th

I don't know how this will sound but I like being ordinary. Not in a “settling” kind of way. Not in a way that feels small or unfulfilled. But in a way that feels honest. I feel like we live in a time where everything feels like it has to be extraordinary. Where like if you’re not doing the most, showing the most, becoming the most… then you’re somehow behind. And I’ve felt that pressure. I’ve seen it. I understand it. But I don’t think that’s the life I want. I like my life

I'm in my early 30s and I don't really have friends. I have people I feel like I can talk to, but I feel like I don't have people I can do things with. And I don't know if it's just me because I always see people on social media hanging out with their friends on the weekends, going out to do things, and I really envy that. For context, I used to be in a group friendship. We were three girls and it was great in my early twenties, but the more we grew up, the more we disagreed

I felt I had to share this because sometimes things can feel so discouraging when you're in the thick of things. When you're worried about whether or not things will get better. Especially after reading last week's story. When I finished uni, I remember feeling so anxious about whether or not I would get a job. There were barely any jobs being advertised at the time. I was scared and worried about ending up being unemployed for years. It didn't help that people in my industry

I'm 26 years old and I'm currently jobless. I have nothing going on for me except my Masters right now. 16 year old me wanted something better for me and I feel like I just let myself down countlessly. Like I didn't work hard enough to be in spaces or be in my own house and just start living. I just feel like it's too late for me. I fight so hard to not think about my situation and to work towards a better goal, but I keep slipping. I keep wondering, how can I manage this?

You know those friendship break ups that happen out of nowhere but you know need to happen? Yes, that's what happened to me. I was friends with this girl for years, but somehow, I could see the end was near. Throughout the years, I always showed up for her. I would always be there whenever she needed me. I tried very hard to make her see that I was in her corner. But this girl was wounded. I didn't know how much, until I realized how I was people pleasing just to make her fee