#15. THE ONE ABOUT BEING FORCED TO GO WITH THE FLOW.

We haven’t broken up but we’ve had so many breaks that at this point I have made peace with us never having the relationship we used to have. The first time we had a break was due to a misunderstanding which I wasn’t privy to. Stayed quiet for about two years. We worked hard to revive that relationship and had a good run.

Then life happened again. Grief. Silence. Public disagreement. I was shocked and drew a line. But we’ve been friends for almost two decades. No one knows me like they do. So we committed to work things through.

When your trust has been broken a few times, you start operating from the point of self preservation. I started keeping tabs. How much of this relationship depends on my effort. How many times do I call versus how many times they reach out.

When we talk or meet it’s lovely but it is also so unreliable that my heart can’t handle it. So now I have resolved to ‘go with the flow’. I don’t call as much. I don’t cancel plans to accommodate them.

While we are not broken up, I have adjusted to the level of intimacy that is attainable with them. Cue Cat Burns we are not kids anymore. I have grieved and accepted. Still tug at my heart sometimes.