#11. THE ONE ABOUT THIS DIFFICULT SEASON IN LIFE.

I recently went through a breakup with a long term bf(4-6 years). Sounds crazy saying it out loud coz it feels like its been shorter and longer than that. And to say my world shifted is an understatement ..

He was my first for a lot of things and things have been feeling so tumultuous ever since.

I also lost my job right before we broke up and he had been my financial support for the longest time.

So right now I'm navigating grief, a deep loss of stability and security and a lot of confusion and feeling hopeless coz of job hunting.

To say the least, its rough and I'm really struggling to feel hopeful about my future and how I will survive since I'm on my own kabisa, no help from family or anyone.

I'm taking it as a challenge to prove to myself I can go through the worst things and still come out good but my heart is heavy everyday and it feels like with every tie he cuts(eg moving from pet names to my name, dissolving things we shared like playlists and albums and sharing locations and memes daily ,going days without talking and the reducing presence and support is like little doorways leading to the same big grief. They feel like paper cuts. But I cant wait to see how much I grow from this season.

The hardest part to deal with has been accepting how things ended.

I had already found out he had been cheating, talking sh* about me to his friends, optimizing his tinder, flirting with other women online and eventually found(months later) he had slept with a s* worker one day after I left his house to go back to mine. It hurts having to stomach all that and then someone decides on a random Tuesday morning that they feel like they need to find and reinvent themselves while you've been burying pieces of you just by being with them.

I guess I'm just jealous he got to go away unscathed by his transgressions towards me while I'm dealing with the mess and the loss.

He doesn’t know I know most of the things he was doing, but i don't know how to bring it up for my own closure.

Worst part is I work in mental health,(everyone thinks I have a recipe to outmaneuver human experiences like heartbreak and grief).