#20. The one about feeling lost. (L's Story)

I'm in my 30's now, and to be honest, by 30 I thought I would be financially stable. But now not only am I not financially stable, I'm actually struggling financially. I have a business but it's not generating money like I thought it would be by now.

I have this idea that maybe I'm not doing enough to make it bring in the type of income I would want it to bring in. But sometimes I also think it's the economy. Because I feel like I actually do my best. I make money, but I thought I would be further by now.

I don't know. And I wonder if other people are going through the same things as me.

So now I'm in my 30s, struggling financially, and still living at home. I could move out, but I wouldn't be living in the type of house I want to live in. Not unless I go out of Nairobi.

I'm drowning in so much uncertainty, I don't really know what to do.

And my faith is struggling so much because of this.

This is such a strange place for me because it feels like there's so much at stake. I should have been much further by now.

Am I too late?

Will I have time to do the things I want to do, or is time running out for me?

But actually, even as I write this, I'm wondering if I'm panicking more than is necessary.

If I was to die tomorrow, all that worrying would have been a waste of my time.

If I am to die in my 50s or 60s or 70s or 90s, that means I have sooooo much time.

And if the world is to end next year, then still all that worrying would have been for nothing.

Maybe I'm putting all this pressure on myself.

Btw, those are the ups and downs my brain goes through 24/7.